Saturday, September 15, 2012

Firsts for the Senile




image on google by newyorkthemetshirts.com

The prompt at dVerse is The First Time. Well, okay then. By now I have had about a Kazillion "firsts", but there is a recent first which proves, if you live long enough, you'll know (and forget about) almost everything!

The first time
Wild Woman
was pretty sure
she was senile,
she was trying to
put her jacket on
upside down.

Then she noticed
she was doing 
a lot of cackling
when nobody else
was laughing.

No matter.

She has gone beyond
the forgetting-what-
she's-looking-for-schtick,
and is well into the
pantomiming the names
of forgotten films phase.
Also the phase where she
boils the kettle,
readies the mug,
then wanders with it, empty,
into the living room.

A recent and rather dangerous
exploration of her purse,
which drew blood,
also amused the onlookers
as she tried to get her money
and evade the Evil Nail Scissors
she had been looking for all day.
Hand in, and withdrawn quickly:
"oo!"
Repeat.
Sister: "What are you doing????"
"Scissors. I found them.
And I need my money,
but I'm scared to go in there!"

The worst was 
the unseemly display,
(for a crone),
of shrieking and cackling
when she tried to ride a bike.
It isn't true - you do forget how.
You have to remember 
the steering.
Apparently that makes
a difference.

The Up-side?
You no longer have the vision
to notice your chin hairs.
(Vast relief, unless you look 
in the mirror in sunlight
and see a small forest 
growing there.
Send that image far far back 
into the recesses of Time.
Pretend it Never Happened!
It's just kinder that way.)

The Down-side?
Not so much in the 
Teeth Department.

The best thing about being
of advanced age is
that everything seems 
utterly hilarious.
One gets away with a lot.
People help you
when they see you 
trying to use a cellphone,
staring at it like it's
a Beam Me Up device,
totally clueless about
which button to press.
They'll volunteer to press them for you,
the more quickly to eject you
from their premises.
They'll even call you a cab!
With some decided alacrity.
You never got dispatched
so quickly
before.

Wild frizzy hair
and odd clothing
complete the picture
and add to the general merriment.

The first time I ever wrote about
the first time I knew I was senile
is........right now!

disclaimer: this is done very tongue in cheek, with no disrespect intended to others of my age who  feel young and extremely agile, mentally and physically. I actually do, too, (well, not extremely, but still), but I get a lot of mileage out of accentuating the negatives for the sake of humor, and just cant resist!!!!!

30 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed this... the "truth" of growing older told with a smile. I wish I could say I couldn't relate... tee hee... but I can, oh I can. I remember the first time I was looking for the hold button on my phone at work. I KNEW it was there... I use it ALL the time... but I looked up, I looked down, oh so carefully... and couldn't see it. Later, when my brain started functioning again, I found it. And you know what? It's the only RED button on the phone. Thanks for sharing this and making me laugh!

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  2. These details rock! I think this phase can last 30-50 years--I hope so, 'cause it's starting over here. Less censorship, a great sense of order and eccentric humor. I can hear the cackling.

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  3. haha...this was much fun you know...the being afraid to go back into the pocketbook made me smile pretty big...i hope i go gently and with as much laughter as you when my time comes...smiles..

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  4. Yeah! Now I have a friend who truly understands!

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  5. oh, wow, such a heavy but widespread issue in society, yet I love how you took acceptance and use humor as a vehicle, and you did an amazing job with it. I read a study recently regarding a few of the disorienting conditions, that for whatever reason, there's been a 75% spike in cases from the 50's, the article somewhat tried attributing it to the average age being much higher, but personally I think it has more to do with how life is these days compared to how it was back them. Oh I could go on a soap box, but don't want to damper the mood you created here. I'm floored by how tenderly your humor altered what could have easily been such a down-themed write. Great write. Thanks

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  6. ooooh, i'm going to have to start having the attitude that i should be allowed to get away with doing whatever i want to because i'm old!

    thanks for the smiles, Sherry!

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  7. Brilliant. I too am still mentally alert or should that be a lert? Any way, what was I saying? Oh yes, I loved it. Not sure if men cackle but if they do I'm cackling...

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  8. you write with such a twinkling eye about this time - not an easy time - good to take it with a big portion of humor

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  9. Interesting, we have our son back with us after university, his girlfriend most weekends and one of his friends as a lodger. And of course suddenly dozens of 20 year olds. From our lofty height of nearly sixty we smile at lies ahead of all the certainty and anxiety as they move into marriage, careers, babies and the disappointments and joy they bring. Naturally, we take no notice of those looking at us smiling at what being grandparents, work ending, being the head of the family, saying more and more final goodbyes will bring.

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  10. enjoyed the light heartedness with this kind of scary topic (for me at least)- the purse caused me to laugh out loud It was a pleasure to read your poem :-)

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  11. Woww...what a write and expression Sherry....totally in love with this...this time comes to everybody's life..no one is spared except for those who go earlier.....its good to have that humor.....smiles.

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  12. You're only as old as you feel Sherry. You may be forgetful and such but, you get the important things done, that's what counts. ;)
    A fun read.

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  13. I love your sense of fun and tongue in cheek humor Sherry ~ I sometimes stop in mid sentence myself but I think its due to multi tasking, work, family and writing. Keep yourself busy and occupied, and you will always feel young at heart ~

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  14. Darn it, I just wrote a long comment in this box and ended up having it go poof. NOW, if only I can REMEMBER what it is that I wrote. (LOL) Oh yes, I had said I love your sense of humor and your ability to laugh at yourself. And, one good thing, if ever you say or do something that embarrasses you, no worries -- you will forget it in a day or three. Now, carry on onward. Where? Oh yes, I remember now. Smiles.

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  15. Your piece is delightful, you might as well laugh, it probably won't get better.

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  16. It is good to laugh at this stage of the game... and keep laughing if possible!
    I've seen the future and some of it isn't pretty! My mother is ninety and she kept laughing and was fiercely independent until two years ago. Then everything changed.
    When my sense of humor goes, I want to go at the same time!!
    Oh, I almost forgot! Thanks for sharing!

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  17. I almost killed myself trying to ride a bike last winter. You do forget..and I'm only 33

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  18. Oh Sherry, you describe us so well. The crones of this new age.

    Loved it.

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  19. I think "accentuate the negative" ought to be a Broadway play, or at least a song. LOL
    I agree with Barbara, if my sense of humor goes, I want to go, too.
    Luv, K

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  20. Love the humor and enjoyed the poem. :D The bit about people wanting an old person gone as soon as possible has truth to it, I think there's discomfort as they feel the difficulty and don't see the humor in it as the narrator does!

    Thanks for this lighthearted piece, I needed it this morning! :)

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  21. You are my hero as I countdown to 50.... It is my goal to approach aging with a sense of humor, it seems like the best approach to me!

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  22. Chin hairs, yuck, TMI. A woman on my old route was "of a certain age" and had 'em like mad, and a mustache. Every time I talked to her I wanted to scream at her to wax, for God's sake, woman! It was too late for tweezing.

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  23. You had me in hysterics. I have done or experienced almost every one of thse things, except for the bike riding part. Tried that a few years ago. My hips said "no freaking way!" And the chin hairs? I love my 20X mirror!

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  24. Terrific! Really so funny! I know exactly what you mean about all of it. Awful! But you manage it terrifically. k.

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  25. Sherry, you captured it most accurately. Seen it, even felt some of it and it gets frightening. And there's no way knowing it'll come until one gets jammed up. You did it with the humor that I like seeing. Great write,Ma'am!

    Hank

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  26. Love it! Humor helps us to not cave in to what nature does to our body. You write so well for one so "senile" as you say you are...perhaps there is hope yet for my pen. :)

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  27. Incredible! Simply an excellent piece of writing :) You had wonderfully depicted the age battle :)

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  28. Beautifully - and if I might say so, respectfully - done!

    See you there!

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  29. Giggle,snort,laugh! There's altogether too much in here for me to identify with!! Loved it all, even as a nagging voice in my head reminded me that I'm losing the battle with my own forgetfulness and general confusion.

    The universe must have invented humour specifically to get us through these senior years...:)

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